Mother’s Day: Not Fun For Every Mum

Mother's Day Card

I’m one of the lucky ones really. My husband and my kids made a huge fuss of me for Mother’s Day yesterday.

I hardly had to do anything all day. I was bought cup of tea in bed by DD1,  had lots of cards,DH cooked us brunch/lunch , I was given flowers/ chocolates and was encouraged to go upstairs for a Nana nap in the afternoon. Nothing big but it’s the thought that counts. I did do a bit of driving kids around but I didn’t have to do any housework, which is always a bonus.

DH is  pretty good around the house anyhow; he does the washing regularly ( I hang it out and fold it, kids put it away), cooks for us (me and him, I cook for the kids) and does a lot of childcare, especially during the weekends. Now it’s Monday morning the house is no more of a pit than it normally is and I feel well rested and not at all resentful. A little goes a long way for us mums.

But sadly, not all of my friends were so well treated yesterday.

I read many reports of partners making no effort at all to make yesterday special. And a lot of those women were cross and resentful about this.  They wanted some recognition for their hard work and who can blame them? Some seemed resigned,  why should Mothering Sunday be any different from any other day? Some said they really didn’t care , but they tended to be the ones whose OH’s were pretty good anyhow. And I can’t imagine any mum protesting at being given a day off from usual duties once a year?

If you are not a mum, and are reading this, you are probably thinking ‘ Huh? But a woman’s partner is not her son? Why should she rely on her OH to make the day special?’

This is true, but when children are very little they can’t do anything to make the day special for their mothers. It’s up to the father of the family to set a good example and hopefully start a trend that the kids will continue as they grow. And later on in the year, when it’s Father’s Day, the roles are reversed and Dad gets a day off.

I don’t understand why some men can’t just do this for one day. Okay, it takes a bit of time and effort, but surely the mother of your child(ren) is worth it?

For me the secret to having a nice Mother’s Day has been to be up-front about my expectations. I want handmade cards with declarations of love in them and flowers,  a cup of tea in bed is always a treat, and chocolates, other gifts and a cooked lunch are lovely but optional. I want hugs from everyone and to feel appreciate, but what I really want is a lazy Sunday where I am expected to do very little. DH has known how I feel right from my very first Mother’s Day and he does his best to make sure I’m satisfied.

But despite being made to feel special by my family yesterday, I have to admit I also find parts of Mother’s Day difficult and I know I’m not alone. Lots of my friends also send presents to their own mothers, and spend time with them as well as with their kids but there are a lot of mothers out there who can’t do this.

Some of my friends have mothers who have died, and Mother’s Day is always a sad time for them, even if their own children and partners make sure they have a lovely day.

Others, myself included, don’t have the kind of relationship with their mothers where it is appropriate to acknowledge the relationship. I don’t miss ‘my’ mother on Mother’s Day but I do wonder how life would have been different if I’d had a female parent who had loved and supported me. It does make me feel a bit melancholy at times.

Then I take a look at myself, at my lovely husband and my wonderful children, and think I’m very lucky indeed. Not many people can have it all and I’m selfish enough that if I had to choose, this is the way around that I’d elect to have it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to do all the things I didn’t get around to doing yesterday.

 

 

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