Pre Exam Nerves by Proxy.
On Saturday, DD’s 1 and 2 will sit their piano exams. DD1 is sitting her Grade 3 and DD2 is sitting her Grade 1. The tension in our house is almost unbearable; everyone’s nerves are stretched and the slightest thing is setting them off.
We’ve kept the whole thing as low key as possible, but they have had to practice hard and spend a lot of time lately learning scales and doing aural tests. They know that they will fail if they do badly. Piano exams aren’t like written exams; if you get off to a bad start, you can’t rub it out and try again but simply have to forge ahead.
Both of them should pass. DD1, in particular, should do quite well as she is pretty good at staying calm under pressure, and as she’s done a couple of exams before so knows what to expect.
DD2 should pass, she’s very musical and has worked hard, but this is her first exam and there is always the danger that things could go terribly wrong in the exam room. And if they do, I’m not sure that she has the skills to pick herself up and carry on. But if she does get through the exam, then it will be a wonderful ‘I can’ experience for her.
As far as I’m concerned, Saturday lunchtime can’t come too soon. DD2 has been having trouble getting to sleep at night. DD1 keeps complaining she feels sick and has tummy pains. I am certain these symptoms will have all but disappeared by 11:10 on Saturday morning.
And as for me, I’m not sitting an exam this year but I feel as if I am. My stomach is churning right along with theirs. I’d much rather sit these exams myself than send my babies off to be judged by someone else, but I know it’s the right thing to do. I know we will have tears and cries of ‘I’m not doing it’ before the exam, and I’m hoping I can handle the situation well enough to keep everyone calm.
I have enough faith in both of them, that they can do this. But it’s so hard to relinquish the control and push them off on their own, isn’t it? The urge to say no, it’s too hard, you might fail, is overwhelming sometimes.
If they can just get themselves through their time slots on Saturday morning, without too many full on tantrums, then they have already passed the most important test as far as I’m concerned. Being able to give something your best shot, even when you are scared and nervous, is an important life lesson and I’m hoping it’s one that my children will benefit from.
By happy coincidence, our school is holding its Christmas Fair on Saturday afternoon, so I can whisk the girls to the fair after their exam. They will be able to run around with their friends, eat loads of junk and spend all their money on tatt.
And no one will think about piano or the impending results for the rest of the day.
Much.
I remember that feeling so clearly. There’s nothing quite like a music exam. Wishing them all the very best for Saturday.
Thanks. I feel like the little engine that could: I think they can, I think they can…
I wonder what the value is in children doing such exams, especially when they are causing them so much tension. Do you feel that it is an important learning experience, e.g. in dealing with stress and pressure, striving for success and (hopefully not) managing failure etc. or should children be protected from that for as long as possible? I don’t mean that in a critical way at all, it’s a genuine question as to whether you see this is an important early learning process. Mine are young and the eldest only just started school, so I have no experience of this sort of thing yet.
I wonder about the value of them too tbh. But my DD’s are almost 10 and 8, so in junior school now, so it’s not like they are babies.
DD1 is at the stage now where she really enjoys playing the piano. By grade three you can play quite a lot of nice stuff. When she was about the age her sister is now, I had to fight to get her to practice and it was awful. I wanted her to give it a go and not just give up when the going got tough and she is good at it. I’m not sure I would be so insistant that they must do music if they were completely useless. DD1 doesn’t like exams ( who does?) so she is nervous but she wants to play well for the examiner. When she sat her Grade 1, I sat my Grade 4 at the same time, so she wasn’t alone for that either. I think it helps doing it with someone else.
DD2 is less keen, but I think it’s a combination of her age and stage. Also her personality, she’s the type to give up everything when it gets too hard and I’d like her to learn that she can do things if she sticks at them. I am hoping that by the time she’s the same age as DD1, she’ll be just as enthusiastic because naturally she’s probably more musical than DD1.
I know a lot of people think that learning an instrument should be fun and that if your child isn’t enjoying it you should let them give up, but I think that’s only true to a point. If it’s making you all miserable all of the time, then sure. But if the child is making progress and enjoying it when they have mastered a piece, I think you need to look at whether they just don’t like to have to work hard. Learning an instrument is difficult and your child may need some firm support to keep going.
Mine practice every day and we don’t usually have too much whining. I don’t even usually supervise but exam time is difficult because they need to know scales etc plus 3 pieces really well. That’s a LOT of practice!
I don’t really care about their marks, I just want them to do their best and they will both pass if they do that. Oh, and they do get a monetary reward if they pass depending on their mark.
Best of luck to you all for Saturday.
I blogged about mine and DD’s experiences pending GCSE’s and the long awaited results! (http://mumonhomework.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/my-big-fat-gcse-celebration/)
It’s a nervous time but i’m sure they’ll both do brilliantly
I read that first time around and hope I can be as laid back about GCSE celebrations when my time comes. Have commented as well.