That’s Why I Had Children…
My mother used to say this: ‘I had children so I could have my own little slaves.’
Of course, she was only (half) kidding but we hated hearing her say that. I took it so personally. It wasn’t fair. Why did I have to do housework? I was a kid and kids shouldn’t have to do anything apart from go to school and watch TV. She was treating me like a slave and I told her so! But if I didn’t do the housework I was asked to, I was punished and so, after much unpleasantness, I usually ended up do what I’d been told to.
When I went on to have kids of my own, I suppose I had some vague idea that I’d spare them the housework. That would be the adult’s job. My kids would be free to be children, to enjoy their short childhood unfettered by mundane chores and tasks.
Yeah, right!
It didn’t take long before I changed my mind about this issue. I don’t live alone in this house. I certainly don’t make all the mess. So why should I be the only one who does any cleaning up?
Actually DH is pretty good at giving me a hand with washing and cooking, so it’s not just me doing housework, but I do most of the cleaning. And as the kids have grown older, more capable and more messy, I feel less inclined to spend my life tidying up after them.
So I found myself asking them if they would please put their clean clothes away, tidy up the messes they have made, put their dirty washing in the basket, make their own lunches or unload the dishwasher.
Of course they didn’t want to. It’s too hard, they don’t know how. Or they did it last time and now it’s their sister’s/ brother’s turn. It isn’t fair, they aren’t my slaves!
At that, I found my mouth opening and the horribly familiar words coming out of it, ‘Why do you think I had kids, if not so I could have some slaves of my own.’
Eek!
Of course, I don’t mean it. Why are our parents’ words so ingrained in our minds that they just pop out without invitation? But I feel my children should do something around the house. Not everything; after all they should have plenty of free time to enjoy their childhood. But surely they should do something?
So I ask you how much housework is it acceptable to ask children to do? Should they merely be encouraged to tidy up after themselves? Or is it okay for them to be expected to perform non-self care tasks as well?
What works for your household?
I just blogged about this same issue a few days ago. I very much think kids should do chores/tasks around the house. I don’t make the messes on my own and I shouldn’t have to clean them on my own. I think kids should be expected to help out around the house, as for one it teaches them responsibility. I think everyone living under on roof can share a part in helping the household run smoothly. My daughter does a fair amount of chores within reason and she has plenty of time to be a child. It is just a part of her routine now and a habit she is into. I say as long as the kids are not stuck in the house ALL day then they can’t be considered slaves
I like the idea of everyone contributing to a smoothly running household. I think that’s my aim. And I love the answer that if they get to leave the house, they can’t be slaves.
I find myself saying ‘I’m a Mummy, not a slave’. Same thing, different version? I don’t think it’s wrong to expect kids, especially as they get older, to take responsibility for their own things. L is expected to keep her own room tidy, tidy up toys/crafts when she’s done, put her dirty washing in the washing basket and put her clean washing away sometimes. Oh, and clean out her guinea pigs. I did it when she was younger but not she’s old enough to do that job by herself too. As a rule I don’t ask her to do any of the general housework, although have been known to ask her to empty the dishwasher once in a while. Little L doesn’t do much for obvious reason but he is expected to put his rubbish in the bin etc.
I’d like to ask mine to do a little more than you ask L to do, maybe just do the dishwasher, lay the table, make lunches etc. I still clean out the animals for them as rats and hamsters are a bit scampery.
I’m sure that twice the number of kids involves more than 2x the amount of work!
Here’s my solution – housework half hour. It was driving me nuts doing all the clearing up while everyone else loafed. http://www.ellenarnison.com/2010/11/introducing-housework-half-hour-and-why.html
What a fantastic idea. Consider it borrowed. Thank you